I woke up feeling sad and frustrated with a familiar phrase playing in my head that said, "I don't make enough money," (sad face).
Not sure how many days in my life have started with this morning mantra playing on repeat but at my age (older than you, probably), it's likely been a few thousand times.
So I took some time to question the thought. "Is it true I don't make enough money?" I asked the question twice to make sure I had delved deeper into my consciousness for an honest answer that an immediate response might not have allowed. I meditated on the question and asked again..."Is it true I don't make enough money?"
In that moment and this one, as I write this, the answer is no. It is not true that I don't make enough money. In this moment, I make enough money. I make enough money to pay my bills. I make enough money to dress the way I like, buy food that nourishes my body, pay my rent, have a membership at my favorite neighborhood YMCA, have an occasional mani/pedi (very important!), color my hair (also important), take my family and loved ones to dinner when they're available, care for my car, and I make enough money to write this blog at this moment.
So life is pretty good, except for what I think. Thinking life should be other than the way it is, is the path to fear, sadness, frustration and unfulfilled expectation (that my thinking created for me.)
I called someone for help yesterday morning and asked them to help me with my thinking in hopes I could find a way to back to love for this moment and this life experience. Especially since it's the only one I have. The person was available through Byron Katie's "The Work" helpline and generously stayed with me as we walked through my early childhood memory of the Barbie Doll dress my parents couldn't afford to buy me and the middle school experience when they could afford to buy me a beautiful dress I wanted and then the moment when they had to tell me they couldn't afford to pay my college tuition. That last one worked out well because their inability to pay for college inspired me to find out I could do it myself. I made plenty of money working a s a cocktail waitress at UT in Austin and my college grades improved dramatically once I started paying for my them.
All of these memories were thoughts from my past and they blocked my ability to see the beauty and love in this moment. In this moment, as I write this blog, I am healthy, content, abundant in family and friends and I have launched a new podcast, Groundbreaking Vision with Harriet where I get to interview people about ideas that inspire us to see the beauty, grace and power of the present moment. I have everything I need in this moment and can share that abundance with everyone in my life. One could even say I am wealthy.